Thursday, September 2, 2010

Good night or morning or whatever

Yes, it could be worse. I am told this and reassured of it from all quarters.

But sleep deprivation makes me nuts. Our autistic kid is up, on and off, all night several nights each week. Lights come on, doors bang, drawers are rattled, and I'm yanked out of sleep to the point where I simply can't rest, even if I can get some minimal quiet and the lights off for a few of the night hours.

We adjust meds, he sleeps better for a few weeks, then it starts again.

Makes me moody. Reduces my patience, aggravates anger and distorts judgement.

Right now I am on sabbatical. But in a few weeks I will be back at parish work, or what should be parish work. I'm weary and, for that and other reasons, the parish is weary of me. They don't say it, but this is the Midwest and they let it be known.

OK, it's a bit after 2 a.m. and I've typed and deleted several rambling paragraphs. Would wish you a good night but unless your life is out of whack you are already asleep.

Would compose a prayer for the rest of us but who needs eloquence to say, "A little peace and quiet, Lord? Please?"


The Archer of the Forest said...

As the father of a young child that won't sleep through the night to save her life, I sympathize. I haven't have 8 hours consecutive sleep in a year and half.

Dr. Mabuse said...

Oh, boy, do I sympathize! Our 18-year old with autism (Thomas) is a real nightowl, but he's very considerate. He'll just sneak to any computer that's carelessly left on and happily surf YouTube videos until 3:00AM, but he's quiet and never disturbs us. I just know he's rambling around if I happen to wake up and notice lights on downstairs. James, though, who's 15 and also autistic, insists on having an audience for his nighttime ramblings, and will often wake us all up by slamming his fist on a door - SMASH! at 2 in the morning. It's a wonder a heart attack hasn't carried me off. Right now he's really excited because school is about to start, so he can't sleep. We were up at 3:30, and I just hope he finally calms down once classes start, because I feel like a zombie stumbling along with so little sleep. (Never seems to bother James, though - he never slows down.) Yes, I know I'll get my reward in Heaven, but sometimes I wish I could have a little downpayment right now.

Alice C. Linsley said...

Father and Dr. Mabuse, may the Lord give you both a special measure of grace to serve these special children that He has given you.

I have 4 children. I raised them as a single parent. Though none are autistic, they all presented great challenges. One was hospitalized for psychiatric care. One was jailed twice and expelled from 2 private schools for drug use. I had to pay the tuition for the year even though she was kicked out the 3rd week of school. The result was bancruptcy. Another was kicked out of college for marijuana use and failed most of his courses. The fourth has married and divorced times. These situations cause many sleepless nights. Through it all, God's grace is sufficient. Faithful is the Lord to His word and kind in all His works!

TLF+ said...

Bless you, Alice. Finding God's goodness in the midst of agonizing circumstances - especially protracted ones - is something we wave at but seldom engage in the church.