NOT about the church controversies: some thoughts shared by a lay person burned by the church

I'm really glad this person shared a bit of journaling with me. This is a person the church really, profoundly let down several years ago. This individual is now back into church life, with a sensitivity for and evolving thoughts about what the church should and can be...

"I am sitting here playing Spider Solitaire on my computer and letting my mind wander. Since the game is not really important to me it gives my hands something to do as I think. I had a doctor's appointment this morning, everything looks great... The mail comes. I balance the checkbook and then read through the Newsletter from church. Father Tim is off on his sabbatical, Father Tim's Ramblings are not really ramblings as mine are, has has thought out a good many things, his hope, his fears and in stating them is giving us direction. I hope he comes back refreshed. Suddenly my mind thinks of the Good Shepherd whom when one of his flock was missing went out to look for the lost one. I wonder if one of the flock at Good Shepherd Church would suddenly come up missing, would any one go looking for them. Would anyone look around and say where is XXXXX, I have not seen him for some time, (he is missing). And if he is missing Why. Is he ill, car broke down, on vacation. Sleep in. Or has he simply wandered off and got lost with no one to guide him back to the flock. Of course he could just be unhappy with the flock and decided to go out on his own looking for who knows what. It's funny what the mind thinks of when set free to ramble. I think back to time of inactivity within the church and realize that I cannot remember a time when anyone called to ask if I was OK, Was I just taking a sabbatical to refresh or was I in need of a good Shepherd to come look for me. Time to get some house cleaning done and stop thinking for a while."