Thursday, February 19, 2009

Northern Plains Relativism

by email, from our kinda Nebraska friend, "Bambi",

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . . . . . .

65 above zero:

Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Nebraska plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Nebraska sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Nebraska drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Nebraska throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Nebraska have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero
People in Miami all die.
Nebraskans close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Nebraska get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Nebraska are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.

People in Nebraska let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Nebraskans get upset because they can't start the Snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Nebraska start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Nebraskans public schools will open 2 hours late

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

That started out as minnesotans, I can't see nebraskans surviving that kind of weather

Peter said...

Isn't Nebraska in the deep south?

Dobrdale said...

Probably every state has been honored by this verbal poke at our long winters.

Please be aware that we are almost at the 12 month stage of no sun spots. History shows us that the little ice age got really moving with just 70 years with out sun spots. The affects of this cold period lasted for about a century.

The lord said he would not allow a flood of Noah's proportion again but perhaps a cold spell would teach us a lesson or two.

Does the Bible mention this Fr. Tim?

TLF+ said...

LOL I am sure that this story has been told about various states and towns. And the person who sent this to us, although a big NE Cornhusker fan, actually lives just across the border in Iowa.

Peter, as a good Anglican you know that the answer is "context." In the context of, say, Mexico, NE is el norte. In your context, NE is deep south. Can't we all just honor the contexts in which we are contextualizing?

Dale - can't answer that after only one cup of coffee.

Jill C. said...

I love it! Thanks for the good laugh, however -- in my mind I substituted Michiganders for Nebraskans! ;)